For so long I have been looking at blank pages and feeling the intimidation of what I could never accomplish. I know I have been holding myself back with all these "what if's," I'm done with telling myself I can't do a good enough job. Here I am to say that I can do good, that what I create is valid. I am here to show the world the mess that I can make. There is something beautiful in allowing the soul to proceed as it will.
I am done with putting chains and regulations on myself. That doesn't benefit anyone, most definitely not myself. When my heart is in pain and I feel like my heart is lacking, it affects the people around me. I now know that when I become sad on the inside how it affects my life on the outside. It causes me to become bitter and angry.
There are has been so many times, especially within the past month that I have kept myself from doing something that a) makes me feel like what I did impact the world in a positive way or b) that I am not allowing myself to look at what I need to do and do it. When I look at what I have become in this short period of time, it's self-sabotage. I am a self-destructive person who is trying hard to break those habits.
I am at the point and have been for a long time I have been here, where I can see the kind of person I am. That person is not who I want to be. I know the amount of work I need to do to become that person, and I know the amount of work I need to do to help that person. I know that all of this work is going to kill me, and honestly, I hope it does. This way the old me can die and allow the new me to rise.
I want change to come, I welcome it. I want the better life for myself and my family. I work not only for me but for the ones who love and support me.
This life is meant to be lived not passed by.