As the whole world knows, the end is near. locked away inside many people are becoming stir crazy, myself included. When it comes to walking my dog, which has become the way I escape to the outside world, I wonder how she feels about all this. Before we all had work and on top of that social life, family lives and I had school. so she would be here enjoying her daily slumber without disturbance, but now, here we all are, with her trapped inside. I think she's liking the change. I hope when we go back it won't be that big of a shock.
Since we all have been here, there have been some serious changes. for instance, I have actually gotten a lot of things done. There were things that I accomplished that I didn't even realize were on my to-do list. I have been able to do things that I have been putting off for too long a time.
I have not only been marking things off my list, but I been able to explore different outlets of my creativity that I have ever before. This feeling has been something to jump hoops for! I actually have had time to only focus on things that make my environment and head better. I have rearranges my shelves while waiting for my paintings to dry. though these days have been secluded, they have also been soul opening. I feel like I finally am figuring out who I am. without the distractions of everyday responsibilities, or the rushes of a schedule, I am able to just immerse myself into my work.
At the start of all of this, I decided to not stress out about using all of this time for something productive or force the creativity out of me. I was going to let the free schedule tell me what to do. Though I still am on my phone too much, scrolling through the endless feed, I have truly been able to focus on what is around me and inside me.
Now that's not to say that there have not been any breakdowns, because there have. But now it feels like there isn't a rush to get over the traumatic experience. Now I can live in the wallow for hours and once I am done crying, I can actually move on. Verses before where I would feel defeated, but then be forced to plaster on a fake smile and cheery attitude for the people with higher expectations than worry for someone else's well being.
Right now feels like a beautiful time. I feel like I am at my more creative. I feel like I could really be myself. I feel like when I get out of this I am going to be a different person with more to offer this world. I don't know how much my quarantine self will have to offer this place, but this is the start. this is the way I am going to shine through the smog of this world.
I really enjoy writing like this, because even though it probably makes no sense, I feel better after.