Yesterday for some reason I bought a light green spiral notebook. I have a few at home already and swore to myself that I would not buy any more until I ran out of what I have [I kind of have a problem]. For some reason when I saw it, I thought of all of the poems I could write in there, which is kind of funny because I have not written a poem in a little while, let alone dedicate an entire notebook to it.
I saw it in the school bookstore. I was sad and hungry, I bought myself a sandwich and some chips. The sandwich was for the hunger and the chips were for the sadness. As I was in the check out line, my eye was caught by all of the notebooks that were being draped from hooks, I thought about getting one, but I knew not to. I glanced over the dark blue and bold red covers when all of a sudden I see a not another basic primary color but one that sticks out to me is alike, almost pastel green. It reminds of the fake flowers I see at work and that have the little pops of lavender spring out of it.
I was ready to keep on walking by but it stopped me in my tracks. There was a voice in the back of my head that was telling me to go and buy that notebook. So I did. When I got back to the classroom, I just sat there and stared at the notebook. I felt like I was giving the notebook a death stare while I was eating my sandwich. All I had was a sandwich in my hand and a body full of conflicting feelings.
Then finally I pulled out a pen and began to write. I just wrote everything that came to my mind. It was a mix of stream of consciousness and structure. Once it all started, it just all came out. The words just all flowed out and I was not about to protest against it.
Honestly, it felt so great to let everything come out. there were passages that flowed out and poems that were choppy, I was happy to let it happen.
This was just a really long way of saying that I wrote out my feelings in a notebook that didn't want to buy, but did anyway. And I am glad I did. The main point is that when you get a feeling telling you to do something, you have to get up and do it. For too long I have been ignoring my inner voice and pushing it away to the point that it barely has become a whisper. I am doing my best to listen to everything it has to say to me and letting myself actually follow it.