This new thing that I am getting myself to do it CHANGE. Not the kind of changes that life hands you, which I have been experiencing for the past few years, but instead the ones I force myself to do.
The many changes I have gone through have all shaped me into who I am today, and I am very grateful for each and every one of them. Even the ones that hurt and scarred me, I still count them as blessings. Every event that I have felt like I was dragged through and forced to endure all feels like it was something that I had to go through. And despite the pain I felt, I now see it as a covered up blessing.
Through the heartbreak and disappointment and sadness, I am happy with the person I am. But this person that I am is someone who, yes I have made choices to become, but those choices come from the situations that I was in and the decisions I made in those moments. The person that I am, as great and fantastic as she is, is not the person I want to be. She is the person who life has helped me become. I now want to become the person I want to be. The person I will become has to do with choices I'm making to better myself, and not the situation I am in.
Do you see the difference?
I am taking these steps for so much more of a reason than to try something new or reinvent myself, but instead, I am just doing this to become a better version of me. I have so many lists and notes and visions for what that means, and even though I have been working on this idea of what this "best version of me" looks like for so long, I still only know what a glimpse of the surface looks like.
Each and every day, I try to look at who I am and who I want to be, and every day it changes. Me figuring out who I want to be starts out with who I am and what I have gone through.
So this thing I'm doing, even this is the first post I have about it has been a work in progress for a good amount of time.
Sincerely Me,
(will) Love Layla Drew