where have i been

I feel that when it comes to writing I have been left in a drought. Partly because of the lack of water and inspiration and also because I don't let the inspiration come in. I feel like sometimes the I am the block that is causing the writer's block. There are sprinkles of words that make it through the cracks, and instead of running to the droplets for whatever quench I can get for my thirst. But what has been happening is that I have just been sitting there in front of the drops watching them fall and then evaporate into the air.

I don't know when I began to neglect the thoughts that came to me. Even the ones that destroyed me still had a way to make it out onto the paper, but now, even when I think of that word or phrase and let it disappear and let it slowly melt away like an ice cube in my hand.



I don't know when I started to allow myself to do this. But honestly, it hurt to let these words escape me.

But I am glad, so glad that I am back. I am writing in my journal and freewriting again and even putting something here.

It feels like this past week words have been banging on the door of my brain trying to come out. And for some reason, that I can't explain, but I wouldn't let them out. When words somehow when the words would escape, I just pushed them aside and went along with my life.

Then it went to, "I'll remember that for later!! That was good!" But I never did. The words who finally convinced me to write never got to see the light of day or the sound of my voice saying them. How sad.

But then I connected to a short story and decided to perform it,  and talked to my professor about NaNoWriMo and what we were thinking about and even did some free write in class, and I started listening to so much from Eminem and even saw an over hour documentary about his life and what his words mean to him, and then I spent hours listening to slam poetry and let every word that touched my soul reach my hand. And here I am finally writing. Finally releasing.

So where have I been? It kind of feels like my creative side has been hibernating, and finally woken up.