john fante wrote this for me

what am i gonna write about?

This has been my number one thought for the past week. I have been wanting to write and get all of my juices flowing before April, but I just end up with a blanker than usual paper. I feel like I have the ideas but when it actually comes to me sitting at my desk, I just end up focusing on everything else in the room. I know that this next month is going to demand a lot of me creatively and I am trying to get into the hang of things before I push myself off the deep end into it.

The things I am going to be creating in my ideal world are basic school work to begin with, then I want to keep on posting here, I want to make more videos on YouTube, and LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF POETRY! I am so excited, but also feeling overwhelmed...

working on my "brand"

In today's world, everyone is trying to promote themselves and create an idea around them [I am plenty guilty of this too]. There are so many ways to have the world look at you, you can be honest and vulnerable or you can be surface level and paint a pretty picture of what your world looks like. I prefer the first, but if you have any experience with the internet, you know that there is an abundance of the second option. Personally, I want to be the first. I want to let my heart and my emotions show.

I have an idea of what I want it to be: intention. Just a simple word.

i just realized how crazy next month is going to be

I have so many crazy plans for myself, no clue how I am going to do them but I know that I am going to do them!!

Here's a little run down:

• write a poem every day in April
• starting a new [old] job
• finalizing other works that I finished last December
• basically getting my life back together in general 

Let's just focus on the first thing! [write a poem every day of April]

new blog, new me

So, this is not going to be a big deal to anyone but me, but still is a change! The name of this blog was "Best Version of Myself." I called it that because this was supposed to be a way for me to get to the best version of myself. It's pretty self-explanatory, and that's what I wanted. I wanted this blog to be a constant reminder of what I am going for in life. I really do want to be the best version of me to exist, and I am always running to that person, but I feel like that title is not what I want this blog to be.

I feel like I went from having this image of myself in my head of who I want to be. I have always had an idea of what I want to become and that is always been ever changing, but recently my view of that has had a drastic change. I was trying so hard to run to that idea, that daydream of what I should be. I was running so hard that I ended up bumping into every wall possible. I was hurting myself more than I was helping myself. I wanted to change that all.

on wednesday we wear ashes

This is something that I used to say to all of my friends on Ash Wednesday at school. It was a very popular saying around my Catholic high school campus. It was funny and we all thought we were clever.

Ash Wednesday has always been a very special time for me. This is always a time for me to reflect internally and to do some changes externally. I always want this time to be the time for me to really focus on my relationship with God, others and myself. I know, it's a lot, but it's been something that I work towards every year. I remember when I was in high school what I used to do was pick forty people and write them all a letter. I would pick a day for them and celebrate our relationship together. It was always a fun time to really appreciate the people in my life.

plans for this blog [and myself]

I made this blog so that I can have somewhere to document my personal growth and to finally have a platform where I can expose my writing with the world. Now, do I expect to become a famous writer off of this, not really. Honestly, just having somebody read my posts and tell me that they liked what I wrote and felt something while reading, my life has a purpose with that sentence. There is honestly no feeling like it and I honestly love it so much.

When I look out on this great land of the internet, there is so much that I want to not only explore but conquer. I know I haven't even taken over the blogging world, but I still want to go out and do everything! I know I might become a jack of all trades and master of none... Hopefully, that doesn't happen, but still, it is an option that I am willing to take in order to try something new out.