For the past week, I have been stuck inside. There hasn't been much to occupy my mind, so most of the days it just wanders. It asks questions that may never be answered. My head has been filled with asking "why is the haze so thick?" "do my neighbors notice that I've been stuck here?" "Is my dog getting sick of me?" "How did that haze clear up so fast?" All very important questions, but none of them relevant. I have been stuck with four walls surrounding me. Not daring to share why I'm stuck to anybody, as if anybody would listen.
Who am I even fooling, look at the news, scroll through any social media feeds, anyone could guess why I'm stuck at home. Luckily it isn't me, but still.
Since I've been here, I've become resistant to the fact that I will leave this isolation with nothing to show for it. I feel like the last lockdown was wasted. What do I have to show for it? I don't know. All I know is that I wasn't planning on doing the same this thing around. I was forcing myself to do something, anything "meaningful", whatever that means. I was looking for something, that when this is all over and I get to talk to somebody on the outside, I could be proud of and probably make them jealous of my solitude.
Unfortunately, all I have been able to take advantage of is my screen time. I've been consuming more YouTube than I have in months. It plays nonstop in the background of my everyday life. Even now, it's playing, a very specifically themed playlist of music. I'm not too mad about it though, it helped inspire the voice that led me to the keyboard.
The only thing I could think of to get my quarantine ball rolling was a blog post. Something I haven't touched in a while and deserves love. Hopefully, this won't be the only time I write here while I'm stuck at home.
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