nov 5- much needed change

 I have been in such a slump lately. I have felt no creative impulse, no motivation, and barely had a need for upkeep. For months now, I have felt stuck. There were no ups and downs, days blended together. I felt like an extra in my own movie. I had such a desperate need to change everything had control over, including but not limited to; my job, school, and even room. Every felt like a sticky mousetrap, and my life was unable to move forward. 

Then like as if the heavens heard my cry, new opportunities appeared. I was ready to break because I kept outgrowing the space I was left in, and instead of shattering everything around me, I was taken somewhere bigger. And now the air is so much thinner.

nov 3- overwhelmed

by feelings

and thoughts

and actions 

and reactions

every time i take a step forward 

it feels like everyone else is a mile ahead

my progress is no longer tangible 

my progress has become progress to progress 

like the smallest step to start a necessary task

i don’t know when life achievements 

became just as difficult to accomplish 

as getting out of bed

i’ve somehow become trapped in my own mind

so please

won’t someone come break me out 

nov 2nd- so soon

When I came up with this idea, I thought that it wouldn't be this hard this early. I thought it would be at least a week in when the writer's block would kick in. Instead, it's on day 2. But I am still determined to have something written. 

It feels like there is a world of distractions around me. Everything else is calling for my attention. All of a sudden I have the motivation to complete tasks I've put off almost as much as this. I wish I could just sit down and write something good, but instead, here I am writing about not being able to write.

nov 1st- new challenge

I love days like today, there isn't anything special really that happened, it's just the way the day landed. Not only is today the first day of the week, but it is also the first day of the month. And you can't forget about the full moon that was last night. It was absolutely gorgeous. 

Let's talk about the full moon. It was a blue moon, and it was on Halloween. I don't know much about the meanings of lunar phases, but I do dabble a bit in astrology (that mainly means that I follow a lot of people who I think I know what they are talking about). There was a lot of talk about this moon. The biggest thing was that it was important to not set any new intentions. This moon was about cutting negative ties and revive intentions already set. For the past few hours, I have been trying to think about how I will let this moon affect me. Then it all came to mind.

too scared to share

It is only when the lights are low, and the doors are shut when I have learned to truly be myself

voices need to be heard

now is the time act

     

quarantine update

this hasn't happened in a while

I just pulled out my laptop, opened YouTube, then this page. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I had to think of something to write. This is an amazing feeling. It feels good to go back into old habits. I haven't been able to be this carefree about doing something so simple. Right now, I just want to enjoy this moment.

nothing really big but it makes me happy. Feels like I am just getting out of this weird funk. 

what's on your quarantine to do list?

As the whole world knows, the end is near. locked away inside many people are becoming stir crazy, myself included. When it comes to walking my dog, which has become the way I escape to the outside world, I wonder how she feels about all this. Before we all had work and on top of that social life, family lives and I had school. so she would be here enjoying her daily slumber without disturbance, but now, here we all are, with her trapped inside. I think she's liking the change. I hope when we go back it won't be that big of a shock.

Since we all have been here, there have been some serious changes. for instance, I have actually gotten a lot of things done. There were things that I accomplished that I didn't even realize were on my to-do list. I have been able to do things that I have been putting off for too long a time.

new hope

This must be the year of dream making for me. I feel like I have gotten in the headspace allowing myself to have big hopes again. These hopes have not just been wild, but I really feel like they are attainable.

[untitled]

Lately, everything I have written has become something that I wish to never make eye contact with the reader, or has remained unfinished. I don't know which is worse. I guess that's why I am here writing this. I need to figure out if writing and thinking everything I create is garbage but I guess that's good because I am writing in the first place, or is it better than I am realizing the potential of the work and give up to start on something new. there is too much confusion in what is better and which one I should justify in doing. But yet here I am, writing something I will probably scrap because I also see no future for this little post.

speaking into existance